Rumor Mill

All I can say is "Ugh." The adoption rumor mill is grinding out more uncertainty, more speculation.

Actually, in a way, I'm happy to be on this roller coaster. Nine months ago I didn't think they were going to let us on the ride. But the latest twists and turns and ups and downs are starting to make me nauseous.

How do I process all of this that is 100% out of my control? How do I live in the present and not speculate about what could or might happen with our adoption?

Since I first caught wind of the rumor yesterday, my brain has been working overtime trying to make sense of the path we're on. I keep going back to the basic questions:

Did God call us to adopt?  Yes.

Are we confident that God called us to adopt from Rwanda?  Yes.

Have we heard Him correctly?  I believe so.

Have we done all that is in our power in this process?  Yes.

Although there's a lot that I don't understand, all I can do is rest in the fact that my very good God is sovereign. He is in control of all things. Nothing escapes His notice. He knows more about, and cares more about, our daughter in Rwanda than we do. He knows what He's doing in her life and in our lives as well.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.  Jeremiah 29:11

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  Proverbs 3:5

And let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.  Galatians 6:9

Although my emotions aren't necessarily cooperating, I'm trying to rest in the truth of these verses. I keep reminding myself of them whenever fear or demandingness or anger starts to creep in.

The timing of the rumors is interesting for me. I just finished reading the book of Job yesterday and have been trying to absorb all that God is saying to me through Job's suffering. As I think about this new situation, Job 42:1-2 keeps coming to mind:

Then Job answered the Lord and said: "I know that you can do all things and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted."

"Learn this as you read Job: When you stand before Me in mystery, you will eventually rest within Me in trust. When you can't figure Me out, you will give up the illusion of predictability and control and discover the joy and freedom of hope." Larry Crabb, 66 Love Letters

In this whole adoption process, I have had to give up any illusion of predictability and control. I've had to live in the mystery of how God works. At this point, I can only trust that God's plans and purposes are being fulfilled. I've done what God's asked me to do with this adoption. I have obeyed. We will stay the course until God tells us otherwise.

Things may not turn out the way we hope, but I'm praying and asking like never before.