But our high number and the rumors of a wait list for younger children make everything seem more uncertain and much longer than I'd hoped. Being a planner, it's hard to have our lives in limbo like this. (I know, that's the reality of international adoption, and I willingly volunteered for this...)
Throughout the past year, I have clung to the knowledge that God is in every one of the details and that He has a grander purpose in this for us, but my emotions haven't always cooperated. On most days though, I'm able to remember that it's less about the outcome and more about what He's doing in my heart.
Harry read me something last night from My Utmost for His Highest that encouraged me at this stage of the process and reminded me of what's important:
"Our natural inclination is to be so precise - trying always to forecast accurately what will happen next - that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing. We think that we must reach some predetermined goal, but that is not the nature of the spiritual life. The nature of the spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty...
Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life - gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. As soon as we abandon ourselves to God and do the task He has placed closest to us, He begins to fill our lives with surprises....Jesus said "...unless you...become as little children" (Matthew 18:3). The spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, just uncertain of what He is going to do next."I'm so grateful for spiritual giants like Oswald Chambers who remind me of the Truth in this confusing process. It helps me to focus on the tasks at hand and to trust God's plan for us.
